Managers
A group of managers were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they went to the flagpole with a ladder and measuring tape.They keep falling off the ladder, dropping the tape and the whole thing is in a mess.
An engineer comes a long and sees what they are trying to do. He walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lay it flat, measure it from end to end, gives the measurement to one the managers and walks away.
After the engineer left, one manager turns to another and laughs. "Isn't that just like an engineer? We are looking for the height and he gives us the length!"
Moral of the Story : No matter how ingenious you are. Managers can always find fault with it.
  
 Email ID
An unemployed man goes to try for a job with Microsoft as a cleaner. The manager there arranges for an aptitude test (Section: Floors, sweeping of...). After the test, the manager says: "You will be appointed on the scale of $30 per day. Let me have your e-mail address, so that I can send you a form to complete and advise you where to report for work on your first day." Taken aback, the unemployed man protests that he is neither in possession of a computer nor of an e-mail address. To this the MS manager replies: "Well then, that really means that you virtually don't exist and can therefore hardly expect to be employed." Stunned, the man leaves.

Not knowing where to turn and only having about $10 left, he decides to buy a 10kg box of tomatoes at the supermarket. Within less than 2 hours, he sells the tomatoes singly at 100% profit. Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100 before going to sleep that night. And thus it dawns on the man that he could quite easily make a living selling tomatoes. Getting up early and earlier every day and going to bed late and later, he multiplies his hoard of profits in quite a short time. Not too long thereafter, he acquires a cart to transport several dozen boxes of tomatoes, only to have to trade it in again shortly afterwards on a pick-up truck. By the end of the first year, he is the owner of a fleet of pick-up trucks and manages a staff of several hundred former unemployed people, all selling tomatoes.

Considering the future of his wife and children, he decides to buy some life assurance. Calling an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his new circumstances. At the end of the telephone conversation, the adviser asks him for his e-mail address in order that he might forward the documentation. When the man replies that he has no e-mail, the adviser is stunned: "What, you don't even have e-mail? How on earth have you managed to amass such wealth without the Internet, e-mail and e-commerce? Just imagine where you would have been by now, if you had been connected from the very start!" After a moment's silence, the tomato millionaire replied: "Sure! I would have been a cleaner at Microsoft!"
 
 Stress Reliever

# 1
Wife: You always carry my photo in your purse to the office. Why?
Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your
picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What
other problem can there be greater than this one ?"

# 2
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me
to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

# 3
Teacher : " Hello boys, Remember !!! Nothing is impossible."
One Student said: "Ok Sir, You please take out all the toothpaste
and put it back into the tube again."

# 4
Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE ?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday sametime." >

# 5
Teacher: Sam, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly same as your brother's.
Did you copy his?
Sam: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

# 6
Teacher: How come you do not comb your hair?
Sam: No comb, sir.
Teacher: Use your dad's then.
Sam: No hair, sir.

# 7
Teacher: What's the chemical formula for water?
Sam: "HIJKLMNO".
 Teacher: What?!
Sam: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

# 8
Teacher: If I have 7 oranges in one hand and 8 on the other, whatwould I have?
Class: Big Hands!!!!!!

# 9
Sam: Mom, teacher was asking me today if I've any brothers or sisters who
will be coming to school.
Mom: That's nice of her to take such an interest,dear.
So what did she say when you told her you're the only child, my dear?
Sam: She just said ... 'Thanks goodness!' > > >

# 10
Sam: Dad, can you write in the dark?
Dad: I think so, what do you want me to write?
Sam: Your name on my report card.

# 11
Doctor: I've "bad news" and "very bad news" for you.
Patient: Well, might be better give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you've 24 hours
to live.
Patient: What?! 24 hours! That's terrible! What could be even worse
then? Tell me the very bad news.
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.